SHAKING THE TREE ... #26
How to avoid regret
If you’ve ever said or done something that was better left either unsaid or undone, you’ve experienced regret.
Likewise if you’ve ever not said or not done something when you ought to have acted, or spoken up, or when you ought to have stood up and said yes to an opportunity that you let slip through your fingertips, you’ve experienced regret.
Been there? Done that?
I have.
Regret and remorse are partners in crime.
Regret is a poignant, powerful, and often overwhelming emotion resulting from wasted or missed opportunities, or from unfulfilled desires, or from choices that didn't align with our values or that should have aligned with out values but somehow didn’t.
Regret sometimes comes from harsh words exchanged in the heat of the moment that can’t be taken back.
Regret often comes from something we ought to have done right there, right then, and didn’t.
And regret regularly comes from having turned something (or someone) down, or from having taken something on when by saying yes or by saying no, our lives could have gone in a completely different direction.
Regret hits the hardest when it’s too late to change things. Regret strikes when we think about what might have been, or when tragedy or loss robs us of a chance to put things right, to say we’re sorry, to beg forgiveness or to atone or to make amends when our words or deeds have hurt someone.
While some regrets are inevitable in life, there are proactive steps we can take to minimize their impact and avoid getting stuck in the cycle of remorse.
By fostering and practicing intentional self-awareness, by making thoughtful and intentional decisions, by embracing opportunities for personal growth, and by living as authentically and as intentionally as we can we can learn to navigate our way through life with greater mindfulness that can significantly reduce the chances of us experiencing regret.
Here are a few thoughts that might help
Cultivate self-awareness: the foundation for avoiding regret is self-awareness. Sometimes this means keeping quiet and avoiding the smart-assed remark when we would otherwise speak up and put our foot in it. Sometimes it really is better to say nothing rather than to fill a pregnant pause. Self awareness means taking the time to reflect on your values, goals, and aspirations. Understand what truly matters to you and what brings fulfillment. Being in tune with your emotions and inner voice can guide you towards choices that align with your authentic self.
Make thoughtful decisions: want to avoid regret? Avoid making impulsive decisions. It’s as simple—though not as easy—as that. Instead of reacting in the moment, take the time to gather information, weigh the pros and cons, and consider the potential outcomes. When you’re faced with significant choices, it’s best to seek advice from trusted friends, family, or professionals who can offer valuable perspectives.
Act on your aspirations: by identifying your dreams and aspirations you can take action towards achieving them. Whether it's pursuing a new career, traveling to a dream destination, or fostering lasting, more meaningful relationships, making progress toward your goals prevents you from facing future regrets about missed opportunities.
Practice forgiveness: forgiving yourself (and others) for past mistakes or wrongdoings can be liberating. Here’s the thing though: forgiveness isn’t about the other person, it’s about you and your willingness to let go of past hurts for your sake. Holding grudges or carrying around any load of guilt can lead to prolonged regret and emotional distress—none of which is good for your mental health. So embrace the healing power of forgiveness to free yourself from the weight of the past and move on.
Embrace learning and growth: accept the idea of viewing setbacks and failures as learning experiences rather seeing them as reasons for regret. By embracing a growth mindset you begin seeing challenges and roadblocks as opportunities for personal development. Get used to the idea of recognizing mistakes as a natural part of life's journey.
Live in the present: by constantly raking over the past you keep yourself trapped in cycle of woe and misery. By focusing on the present moment you fully engage with life and seize opportunities as they arise. Avoid dwelling on the past or worrying excessively about the future. Embrace mindfulness practices to stay present and savor life's joys.
Value relationships: nurturing and prioritizing meaningful relationships with family, friends, and loved ones is a great way to reduce regret. By regularly expressing your love, appreciation, affection, and support to those people in your life who the matter most you build a solid, lasting fence against the possibility of regret. Building and maintaining strong connections with loved ones brings immeasurable and lasting joy and prevents regrets related to neglecting these connections.
Take calculated risks: our fear of failure can often lead to personal inaction that in turn can cost us all manner of eventual regret. While it’s true that not every risk will pay off, by taking calculated risks you increase the likelihood of experiencing remarkable achievements and personal growth. So embrace courage and seize opportunities, even when they come with potential uncertainty.
Set, reinforce, and be willing to defend personal boundaries: learning to say no and being willing to set and defend healthy boundaries is crucial for avoiding regret. By doing things out of obligation and by overcommitting yourself or taking on too much you increase the chances of burnout by neglecting your own needs and priorities.
Seek professional guidance: none of us have all the answers and sometimes, you can benefit from an outside perspective. I’ve worked with three counsellors and I know first hand how helpful talking to someone can be. When you’re facing significant life decisions or when you’re struggling with unresolved regrets, consider seeking support from a professional counselor or therapist. They can provide valuable guidance and tools to navigate complex emotions and find a path forward.
Summing up …
Avoiding regret is about living as intentionally as possible; by making thoughtful decisions, by embracing growth, and by finding the courage to pursue our dreams we reduce the chances that regret will haunt our thinking.
By fostering self-awareness, by practicing forgiveness, and by valuing relationships, we can all learn to navigate life with greater fulfillment and minimize the weight of remorse.
Remember, it's never too late to make positive changes and create a life that aligns with your values and aspirations.
Embrace these strategies and empower yourself to live a regret-free and purposeful life.
As always, thanks for reading.
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P.S. Next time on Shaking the Tree … Why you can never go home